Clever Muslims

I think I can tell you why everyone is so angry at Muslims. It is because they have invented a religion that is smarter than theirs. It is newer and it is fresher, and it is smarter. Here follows the reasons why, and there are two. The first reason is because of the rule that any image of Allah is forbidden. It is God after all, and it is so down right ridiculous, so absolutely silly to try and have an image of a being so vast and all powerful as he. To make an image of Allah forbidden is actually overkill, mostly so the simple minded get it. Simple and effective - no image of Allah because obviously he is much bigger than you can imagine, so don't even bother.

The second reason that Islam is smarter than the other guys is the rule of keeping the holy book in one language only. Translations are frowned upon. This is so simple as well- who doesn't want to belong to a secret club? The fact that only those literate in Arabic can truly get it, reinforces the kind of arrogance and insider status that appeals to a power seeker. Imagine George H.W. Bush and his Skull and Boner buddies speaking Arabic, and you get the picture.

So its like this; the Jews are pissed off as they reckon that they invented the whole all powerful God thing, Ten Commandments and all that. It was a good idea, but not good enough to fend off the living gods, the Caesars.

Along comes this Jesus fella, and he gets the Romans all riled up, so they staple him onto a couple boards up a hill. This gets some of the Jews riled up, and doesn't blow over so easily. However, they soon realise that Serendipity is on their side. "Hey guys, remember that crazy Jew we nailed up a few years ago there, the one with the followers? Well it turns out that that kind of crazy really works for some people. If we mix it together with the solstice and equinox celebrations already going on around the countryside, should be a winner." So it is written, and so it shall be. The Jesus cult gets mashed-up with paganism like a daft punk jam.

A few years go by, and another dessert dweller, a fella named Mohamed has been reading up on the whole Jewish thingy, and then learns about the Jesus fella. He figures he could do one better. After a few trial runs, he cooks up a winner formula. A mysterious central figure with an exclusive language requirement.

It seems to be working. Mohamed pushed the limits of crazy, and just like Jesus and the Jews before him, it is working. Really, it is almost fool-proof, as once the central insanity of an all powerful, omniscient creator being is accepted, just about anything is possible. Talking snakes, no problem. Pillars of salt, easy. Virgin birth, sure I believe that is possible, no chance that Mary would lie about who the father of her baby was. And along comes DJ Mo Ham daddy, who spins a tale of his god being so big, so mighty, well, like duh... of course you can't take a picture. That kind of fish-eye lens ain't been invented yet. So you wanna know more, well you really have to learn the language, and really dig the poetry of hacking up phlegm into the back of your throat because of all the damn sand and time spent hitting the hookah-bong.

I know a couple guys like that. Swear to the unknowable one they were talking Arabic...